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Humor

Signs Posted...

...outside house in the city:	Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of one German shepherd.
...outside a house in Sussex, England:	Beware of owner... Never mind the dog.
...on a garbage truck:	Satisfaction guaranteed... Or double your garbage back!
...in front of clock repair shop:	Cuckoo clocks Psychoanalyzed cheap.
...outside school:	Fite illeteracy.
... in store windows:	Don't be fooled by imitators going Out of business. We have been Going out of business longer than Anyone in town. Go anywhere else and be robbed... Try us!
...on newly-mown lawn:	Your feet are killing me!
...on dentist's houseboat:	Offshore Drilling
...in front of a record shop:	Records for sale, for sale, for sale...
...outside music store:	Gone Chopin, Bach in a minuet.
... outside of planetarium:	Cast of thousands... Every one a star.
...on a roadside billboard:	Belt your family And save their lives.
... in front of a garage:	May we have the next dents?
...outside tailor shop:	Don't stand outside and faint ...come inside and have a fit!
...on dairy truck:	From moo to you In an hour or two.
...in a supermarket:	Prices are born here And raised elsewhere.
...in front of magic shop:	Disappeared for lunch.
...at a bank:	Jesus saves, why can't you?
...in realtor's office:	Lots for little.
...in a maternity clothes store:	We are open on labor day.
...on door of maternity ward:	PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!
...in a non-smoking area:	If we see you smoking We will assume you are on fire And take appropriate action.
...at entrance of the IRS:	Watch your step.
...on front door:	Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian Except the dog.
...in an optometrist's office:	If you don't see what you're looking for, You've come to the right place.
...in a taxidermist's window:	We really know our stuff.
...in a podiatrist's window:	Time wounds all heels.
...in a butcher's window:	Let me meat your needs. Pleased to meat you.
...on used car lot:	Second hand cars In first crash condition.
...in a car dealership office:	The best way to get back on your feet... Miss a car payment.
...in a muffler shop:	No appointment necessary We'll hear you coming.
...on fence:	Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
...on the road:	Men should be working!
...on billboard facing road in front of funeral home:	Drive carefully. We'll wait.
...in a sandwich shop:	Our tongue sandwiches Speak for themselves.
...on restaurant window:	Great food! (50,000 flies can't be wrong.)
...in a bowling alley:	Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
...at a computer store:	Out for a quick byte.
...in beauty shop window:	Dye now, gray later.
...in a veterinarian's waiting room:	Be back in 5 minutes. SIT! STAY!
...in a Norwegian lounge:	Ladies are requested not to Have children in the bar.
...at the dry cleaner's window:	Drop your pants here.
...in a science teacher's room:	If it moves, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
...in Acapulco hotel:	The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
...at a hotel:	Help! We need inn-experienced people.

If you have a favorite joke, please send it to me. I'd be happy to post it on my site.

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